If I hear "I have a cousin with a friend who knows a person who works with someone who knows someone who is friends with Oprah" one more time ...

I may have to tear my eyeballs out.

From a submitted manuscript about what it takes to be a true Christian:
Being a Christian "is not simply someone who goes to church. Going to church will not make you a Christian. By the same token, when you visit a dining franchise, you do not become the entrée that you ordered."

So ... so ... the really truly real point of going to McD's is not to eat my big Mac, but become it?

I just don't get these people.

Literary diamonds in the rough (yes, the hackneyed phrase is appropriate here)

We got this in a manuscript submitted to us on Friday. Names may have been changed to protect the illiterate.

"He picks her up takes her to New York she falls in love deep marring him spiritually"

This goes hand in hand with the one we got a few weeks ago (and I am pulling this one from my memory, so please excuse the decent grammar):

"they looked deep into each others' eyes and pronounced their marriage vowels."

Elsewhere, in a love poem:

"I still accept applications
even though there's no position currently available.
But honey,
I don't know whether you wanna be a temp
or retire with me."

My heart is breaking ...